Life is stupid

Author is lacking in motivation for this. Maybe she will later post about her amazing birthday adventures in the land of the Gaulles. And the less than healthy obsession with the German kid. Probs not on the second though.

Going to France to eat the food of South Korea and less delicious things

So as I believe I've mentioned before, I have a host sister who is Korean, and in light of this past weeks events, I would be insane without her here and my other host sister would be dead. And I think she feels the same about me.  Who knows if we'd be so close if there wasn't a mutual person we both wanted to murder?  Anyway, last week was winter vacation, which is why I had my lovely Germany trip and spent way too much time watching How I Met Your Mother and Community (2 seasons of each because I have nothing to do here but avoid homework, which is why I'm writing this now instead of a paper and finishing a project, yay). It also means that my youngest host sister has two weeks off from her school.  Never in my life did I think having to go back to school would be so amazing.  I get to be away from her and not be driven insane every day by her lack of awareness of other human beings.  Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn't have kids and should just stick to large quantities of dogs instead.  Anyway, we had a talk with our host mom about some of the stuff she was doing so hopefully it'll get better, and this isn't what I wanted to talk about really so on to some food and observation.

I learned how to make a Korean dish, and no I have no idea what the name is. All I know is that it's delicious. And it takes a hell of a lot of time to chop all the vegetables needed. It was worth it though, and if you ever learn how to make whatever dish this was, you'll understand how amazing it is to say it after all the steps that are required.  It makes paella look like a 5 minute microwave meal (in time comparison NOT by taste standards).  Anyway, I also figured out how to make the rice for sushi, which means that I can now (probably and seriously hopefully) make my own sushi, which means not breaking my bank account for sushi belly. YAYAYAYAY!!!! This is kind of the best news of my life, unless I get a letter from the UK begging me to just be a citizen already, although the chances of that are slim, I still have hope. And don't even think about popping that one. ANYWHO sushi, I'm capable of it, it's a big deal. And I can make a Korean dish, I'm awesome, so just love me already. Next part:

I didn't realize how much eating with other people bothers me. So here's a long list of complaints I have about anyone who eats food like this. 1) The only time you should watch someone eat (like vigilantly staring at the food on their plate and when they shove it in their mouth) is when you're observing an anorexic to make sure they're taking in enough calories. Sometimes (all the time actually) fat people like food, and we dislike when people observe us like chimps at the zoo because we have a passion for food. Eating is one of the few talents we have, and we'd like you non fat people to not take that away from us. (Ok this might just be my general opinion, I don't actually speak for the fat person community, although new aspiration? I think so!!) 2) What is with all the mouth noises when you eat? Did your parents never teach you not to smack your mouths. I know this is a pet peeve of mine, but it's disgusting to listen to you eat like my dog, or a pig.  It legit makes me feel physically ill, which upsets me because I like keeping my food in my stomach. (Food and I are in a FABULOUS relationship in case you hadn't noticed.) 3) This goes hand in hand with number two, who talks with food in their mouth? And I'm not talking about a peanut, I'm talking about a full tortellini. That's nasty bro, I don't want to see it, I'm a weeny and I like to whine about little things and that's one of them. At least move your hand in front of your mouth, that's just common courtesy. 4) It's not so much of a problem but how can you not feel random particles of food on your face? It's not like you have a three foot beard for things to get trapped in for the birds living in it (anyone anyone?). I just don't even comprehend how you can't feel melted cheese smeared across your cheek, are your nerve endings dead? I need this explained to me. And now I feel slightly better and less sickened. Next part:

This is the part where if you're a boy, you should stop reading. If you don't want to be forced to the level of best friends stop reading. If you're one of the faint of hearts, you really wanna stop reading at least until the next paragraph. So, I liked to consider myself extremely lucky in the female health department, because I was a month away from 21 years without a yeast infection. Then February happened, it's not really February's fault, but since it's the shittiest month in the year, I'm blaming it anyway. Needless to say, I got one, and OMG it's enough to make me get a sex change to never get one again. This shit is ridiculous. Now normally I'm not the type of person to flaunt my health on the internet, but if there's a female reading this, you'll give me an "Oh sweetie" (mentally of course) and then you'll laugh and thank god this didn't happen to you, so let me start the story.  I woke up to one of the remaining days of my week vacation in France, filled with the lustrous hope of finishing the 8th season of How I Met Your Mother and possibly starting Community all in the same day, I know, big hopes. When all of a sudden, in my nether regions I felt more than a slight discomfort. So I went to the bathroom in order to see what the fuck was going on with my lady bits, when after a few actions I won't describe, there was a "HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS WHAT IS THIS???" moment. Good thing I'd had a curiosity about yeast infections and had asked a friend what that was like, and knew, after a few moments of calming down, what I was dealing with. So a few hours passed with a lot of itchy temptations that I resisted, and my host mom finally came home. For a few of those hours there was a panic that I wasn't going to be able to make it to the pharmacy to get medication, and since it was a Saturday that meant I'd have to go until Monday without any medicine because Europe still enjoys torture.  Luckily she came home and I got the lovely joy of telling her what I had and could she please take me to a pharmacy so I wouldn't cut out my baby making parts to just be done with it (because anyone who has had one knows how much fun wouldn't be had for those three days). So as my luck would have it when we arrive to the pharmacy, the pharmacist is a male. Just reread that, make a sigh like noise, and we'll continue. So instead of letting me bumble through my french skills which are not adequate enough to handle this type of situation (at least not at this time) my host mom jumps right in there and says about 50 times that her host daughter (being me, in case you didn't know) has a yeast infection, and it's her first one (like it was my first period and something to be proud of or something) and it's not my host mother's but mine, and I need medication. Instead, I would have rather snuck out and gone to another pharmacy where there's a nice old lady pharmacist who's probably had a few and understands my pain and wouldn't have been embarrassing as fuck. So as we're talking to this nice man, and the entire store now knows that my vagina has betrayed me, I have the pleasure of then asking the nice gentleman if getting my period will affect this medicine at all or if it should still work fine. The answer is that you can indeed use the medicine on your period. Since I started mine last night. Because my body hates me, wholeheartedly. Again, further reason for why I hate February.  It's the unholy trinity of bad luck, there's singles awareness day, there's yeast infections, and periods. WORST MONTH EVER.

Bon Voyage A Allemagne

So this weekend I took a trip to Heidelberg Germany to send off a friend back to the states. I had a lovely time and I also learned quite a few things. Firstly, Germany is a way better place to get candy in than the states, because they still have crispy M&Ms. WHICH ARE THE BEST M&MS EVER....DON'T EVEN TRY TO DISAGREE. In my humble opinion whoever decided to stop producing them in the states should be fired. As fast as humanly possible. Because they were the destroyer of the best candy ever to be invented.

The second reason Germany is better than the states is because they have paulaner beer. (I don't know if we have this in the states for the main reason being that I'm 21 and don't have free rights to wander around alcohol shops.) But it's just full of fabulous goodness and it even tastes good warm. You know it's a good beer if you can drink it warm.

I also had a pizza sandwich, and this is a beautiful thing. It's where you take two frozen pizzas and cook them at the same time. It's also better if you use two different types of pizza, if you want to do the same boring kind to be a lame boring sauce head you can, but that's lame and boring. So just spice up your life and use two different kinds already. Once they are done cooking you place one upside down on top of the other. And then you cut it into however many pieces you want/have the energy for. Then you stuff your face with one of the most magical creations ever found.

I've also realized that my habit for being early is a lovely thing, and I should never change that, because when I change that, I miss trains, and then I have to take expensive taxi rides to catch my next train. That's the morale of Germany. I legitimately got to the platform as my train was pulling away, luckily for me it was just the tiny little train ride that I missed, not the three ish hour one to take me back to fancy France pants. So I rushed outside and had my darling friend ask if there was any way possible to get me to Mannheim before 2:40, which the nice gentleman taxi driver said yes. He made it there with 5 minutes before my train left, so he got a 20 euro tip because I didn't have time to wait for change. I hope his day was made. I will also never complain about how taxi drivers drive ever again, because with his mad wicked grand theft auto skills, I managed to not have to buy another expensive train ticket. However, I will still complain when they make lewd and inappropriate suggestions to me when all I want is a ride home so I don't have to climb up a damn mountain.

The honeymoon phase has crashed and burned

Alrighty, this here is the blog where I whine about anything and everything I can think of. If it doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy reading, it's probably where you should stop reading, because it's probably the only thing I'm going to do, except maybe thank a few people for me not being totally insane at this point in time.

Alright, so first of, let me just say to everyone that told me that the CLA was a professional school and blah blah blah all the lovely things about great schools should be inserted in this part, HERE'S A BIG EFF YOU. WERE YOU HIGH THE ENTIRE TIME YOU WERE HERE??? This is NOT, NO WAY IN HELL, a university. Universities have their schedules together, they don't have problems with class sizes being too big, and they ACTUALLY USE REAL BOOKS. The teachers shouldn't be shocked when they have 42 students in one classroom when you have 15 different class levels each with 20 people open to the same courses. It's not that shocking, the fuck were you thinking, only 3 people would have an interest in your course? And I don't appreciate you being all twaty and fucking up my schedule because you didn't have the foresight to understand that when you have 300 students in a program, your classes are going to be big. Especially when you fuck up every single one of my classes because of this problem.  Not to mention, maybe you should spend my money on real desks, instead of a random piece of plywood over four sticks that are uneven and barely held together! (That last part might be slightly overdramaticized, but not by much.) There is no purpose for you to have a smart board in every classroom when NONE of my teachers use it or even know what the fuck it is. THAT'S WHAT WE CALL USELESS OVERSPENDING.

Dear French people, how the eff do you raise your children? Where is the knowledge that there are other people and that you should watch out for them? I understand that when children are playing with other children, they don't particularly notice when other people are around because they're busy having fun and doing childish things. I'm ok with that, I was once a child doing those things. But dear god, when I'm sitting on a couch, in a tiny little space mind you, not taking over half of it sprawled everywhere, it shouldn't be that hard to not hit me. Especially when I'm not even in the middle of the couch. I've never seen kids run into a table or a wall or any other furniture for that matter, so why can't you teach them the same thing about other humans? SOME OF US ARE GRUMPY ALWAYS AND DON'T WANT YOU TO RUN INTO US EVERY FIVE MINUTES AND THEN APOLOGIZE, IT STOPS WORKING AFTER THE SIXTH TIME. Also, where the fuck did privacy go? I don't care if you can't read my language, stop peering over my shoulder to see everything I'm doing, I like not having your face in front of whatever screen I'm using at that moment, it's how I need it in order to SEE. Personal space bubbles exist, TEACH THAT TO YOUR CHILDREN.

Dear bus system, how hard is it to get the buses you have scheduled for certain stops to those stops at the time you've previously scheduled? I'm not even talking about bad weather conditions, I'm talking about when there are no problems whatsoever. How the fuck do you mess that up. I mean I know I'm in Europe and that you guys love to utilize your strikes, but this is on normal days. Perfect conditions, so would you mind telling me why randomly there are buses that don't make it to where they're supposed to be going? Now onto the bad weather section, one centimeter of snow is not bad weather, this should not cause you to pause the entire bus system for hours. I would accept if you reduced the number of buses or if you made it take longer to get there, I'm from Nebraska, I understand that snowy roads are not safe to go extremely fast on. But one centimeter, when it's not even sticking to the ground, in face when it instantaneously melts as soon as it touches the ground, is no cause for you to suspend public transportation for hours on end.

I WANT FAT AMERICAN FOOD PLEASE SOMEONE MAIL IT TO ME. THIS INCLUDES CHIPOTLE, BWW, AND REAL CHEETOS. IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

I miss my dog, I miss him so much I've cried every night for the past week because my bed is too big without him. I miss his hugs and face noms and force cuddles and wrestling with him. I'd even gladly let him eat my least favorite pair of shoes right now if that meant I could see him right this instant. I don't think I've ever missed anything as much as I miss him right now. I would give up sushi for the remainder of his life if he could just be here with me right now. Someone mail him to me with my unhealthy food stash?

People who read this, learn to answer your damn fb messages, if I'm taking the time out of my enjoyment of Europe to talk to you, take the time out of your boring life (I know it's boring, because I'm not there to make it fabulous) to message me back, yes REBECCA ANNE MILLER this means you, you've made the rant page, how does that make you feel about us right now???!??!?! YOU'RE LOSING THE WIFE CONTEST.

It is a sin for Jane Austen to be read in any language other than English, if the person reading said work speaks English. Get that through your head France, and don't tell me I should be reading it in French, that's like me telling you you should read Voltaire in English, because it'd capture his thoughts better.

I MISS ENGLISH PEOPLE AND THEIR MORE THAN LIFE CHANGING ACCENTS, WHY CAN'T I JUST BE ONE OF THEM?????

Screw not sleeping, it's throwing a bad kink in my life, I like sleep, I can't thrive without it, I need it, like I need chocolate. This like five hours a night thing because I'm too busy crying over my lack of the big fat dog and not being british is getting in the way of my life. Someone mail me knock out pills with my dog and food. Also please make sure the food is in a safe area from Datsik's face, or it'd be a waste to mail it really.

I would also just like to take moment to thank Seulgi, Bdub, Tom and Aaron for putting up with my whiney self.  This semester has been harder than Spain on a lot of different levels, and you guys deal with me the most I feel. You guys also are the main reasons why I haven't gone into full insanity, simply because you let me whine and or entertain me for hours on end, as if I were a two year old. I wish I were that adorable. So again, thank you, really. Especially since it's February.

ALSO FUCK YOU FEBRUARY, YOU'RE TAKING YOUR DAMN SWEET TIME GETTING OVER YOURSELF. Can I just tell you how much it sucks being in France over Valentine's Day? I mean it would be a different story if I weren't single, rather just alone here for Vday. But single, on Vday in the romance capital of the world? REALLY?!??! It's bad enough back home moping around for an entire month because it's just the shittiest month in the year every year, but in France, in Europe, where you can see everyone being all adorable and coupley with thousands of hours of PDA logged on every street corner, I'm dying. Just hurry up and move on already. I can't eat that much more chocolate without exploding from it.

I think I've run out of things to whine about now. And just for emphasis, I miss my dog. :(

Thankful for the little things

I know everyone always says that you should count your blessings every day, and I'm definitely one of the people that's like, yea ok, I'ma get right on that, thanks for the idea. (That's read with a lot of sarcasm.) But this past week, I actually did count my blessings that I have no medical conditions and that I'm an extremely healthy person. For one, I have no known allergies, which is great considering if you're in a foreign country and you don't know how to say what you're allergic to, you're screwed in a less than fun way.

But on top of that, I can't imagine going to a different country with a serious illness and living with a host family. It'd be so difficult. The reason I bring this up is because one of my host sisters has a health problem, and that's about as far as I'll go into it, because it's neither my business nor the world's exactly what she has. But her experience has to be extremely difficult. When you go to a foreign place where you don't speak the language, living with a new family, it's very stressful to ask them for special circumstances.  On top of that if you don't have the words to describe what's happening and what you need, it's an awful time.  Just watching how upset my host sister was got me upset.

So today, I'm thankful that I'm in fine health and my diet doesn't have any special restrictions besides insanely ginormous amounts of chocolate, multiple times a week. I'm happy and healthy and having a fantastic time, and that makes me crave a bit of chocolate...so tata for now while I go search for some cocao.

Look at How Good I'm Doing

It hasn't even been a full week, and I'm already at this blogging thing again. Look at me go! Anyway, I've been having so many good things going on, I thought I should report them before something catastrophic happens to make me forget all the lovely things.

Firstly, I took my placement test last Monday to find out which class I would be in for my semester here in Besancon, and I was worried that I wouldn't do well on it because I had a semester off from French when I was in Spain. On Thursday we found out the results at 4:30 pm and it was one of the most stressful waits of my life (at least that I can remember). I was the last person in the group of students I'm here with to find out where I was placed, simply because I didn't want to physically force my way through the masses who were also waiting to discover the results. It turns out I got placed in C1 which is one of the best classes, most people in the group I came with usually place in the B levels, so for me to get so high is really fantastic. I've had a lot of my French teachers from back home congratulate me, which I do deserve because it's really a fantastic thing.

On the same line of classes, I've managed to give myself a four day schedule with no classes on Monday, which means I have 3 day weekends ever week :) and on all of my big breaks, I get an extra day. This is extremely good news, since traveling back on a Monday is much cheaper than traveling on Sundays. I'm already making plans on where I want to go in France and the surrounding countries. This is again the part where I beg my mother to find some random stash of money to pay for all these travel plans I want to do.

I'm still in love with my host family, even more so than the last time. Why you might be asking, because they let me cook here. I feel like part of the family. They let me make a paella tonight, and it turned out fabulously, it's the best one I've made so far. They complimented me on it, and said the next time we have it, I have to teach them the recipe. Which means I'm guaranteed another day of cooking!!! And tomorrow I'm making them pancakes!!! WHO DOESN'T LOVE PANCAKES!! I can even make them fabulously shaped pancakes, because I indeed have those skills.

The new girl who is going to be staying with us until July arrived on Friday, and she seems pretty awesome. I've only spent a couple days with her but from what I've learned, she's amazing. She likes Pride and Prejudice, and she's going to teach me how to make sushi, there is nothing she could do to make me not like her. She's also just super adorable, and she takes some of the pressure off of me to spend all my time with Eline, which is really nice. It helps me get some me time, and everyone who knows me, knows I get Hitler-esque if I don't get to be by myself for a bit. She's from South Korea, and the little bits she's shared about it are really interesting. The only negative side of this, is that she doesn't speak a lot of French so we're reverting to English so that she can understand stuff, which sucks for me, because I want to practice my French, not my English skills (I'll get enough of that when I go back to England and find my future husband).

I had my first real champagne tonight, and it was pretty delicious, I might make a tradition when I get back to the states of champagne Saturdays, it's kind of a nice idea. Along with working out again, because oh my gosh the food here, it's so good I can't stop eating, I'm going to gain all the weight back that I lost in Spain, and I'm not ok with that :(.

And not that this is good news, this is just for funsies, but here's a list of all the places outside of France I'm planning on going to. (And no dear family and friends, this is not a shameless plug for you to pick your preferred destination and donate to the Jaci plays in Europe fund. Promise.) I'm thinking of hitting up Prague, somewhere in Germany depending on the time of the semester, Geneva or even possibly some small town close to the French border, Austria, northern Italy, Ireland, Scotland, another trip to my beloved England for two weeks to tour around all the places I've read about in Jane Austen novels, and possibly even back to Spain to say hello to my ama and a few friends who are still there studying. Oh, and I forgot Brussels. How silly of me.

The after effects of chippie chips and gravy

So an update on my incredibly amazing life right now,  I figure I can stick better to once a week rather than like once a day, because not nearly enough things happen for me to fuel this every day. Last weekend I went to England to see a friend one last time before she moved to Australia, and it was kind of the best time of my life ever. I seriously fell in love with that country, which I kind of figured I would. I met quite a few amazing people, who were fabulous. I can now attest that British people make Americans say just as many words to hear the funny accent as we do to them. And it certainly is a new feeling being the odd man out. Of course I ate fish and chips, since it's kind of a requirement when you go to England, and yea, I probably just made that up. I also went out and partied with the Brits, and again fabulous. I loved it so much there, there was one point in time while I was at the train station where I just contemplated going AWOL and staying in England for forever. It was one of those places that just made you feel like you were home. It was a beautiful feeling, and I'm definitely going back some day. It'd even be like the best gift in my life if I could live there, at least for a bit, I've never been so enchanted with a place in my life, and I like to consider myself a bit of a world traveler.

In other news, I start my real classes on Monday instead of these boring hours of "intensive" courses where I learn nothing and doodle in my notebook. I've managed to meet some awesome people here, AND I'VE FOUND A STORE THAT HAS CLOTHES MY SIZE!!! As a fat person in Europe, you start to feel really awful about yourself when you can't even find clothes to cover one of your legs let alone both. So to actually find a store with my size in it, that has things I like the look of, is like the best chocolate on the world on Christmas with a mind blowing orgasm. No, it's better than that. I just don't know any words in any language to describe the feeling it gives you.

I also bought new shoes, please don't tell my mother, she doesn't need to know, and there's something so nice and lovely about a new pair of functional shoes, they're not even heels. They're lovely black boots, that were just calling my name. So I couldn't leave them behind.

I'm still in love with my host family, they actually said I was part of the family the other day, which after the last people I stayed with, almost made me cry. I adore them so much, and the dad is so funny, he has like a direct line to my sense of humor, and uses it frequently. They're letting me cook for them all day Saturday, I am so happy with this that I could explode. Seriously, I get teary eyed from my luck this semester, it's completely opposite from my last experience. And I'm really hoping that it continues for out the rest of the semester.

The only problems I've had so far is a slight bit of homesickness (and I don't even have Jane here to comfort me :(((() along with missing my dog, because who wouldn't miss his adorable little face, and everything is so much more expensive here than it was in Spain. Granted I've had to pay like everything to get here twice because fuck you French government, and that hits a bank account pretty damn hard. Which makes me sad, because well, it means less travel time if I decide to stay with my lovely host family, which I'm really truly considering because I do NOT want to live in the dorms again...ever. Which means no return to England this semester is what it seems like :( oh well, we'll see. If you read this and feel like making a donation to Jaci's play around Europe birthday present you should hit up my mother, she would love to deposit it into my account. And on that note, I've run out of new information and sales pitches, so I leave you until next week, where I hopefully have something interesting to say.